Monday, May 8, 2017

Let me in 26

Better late than never?

I couldn't sleep that night I was rolling under my covers trying to figure out a way to speak to him but I knew he would keep pushing me away. My only way out of this is just ignore his existence pretty much as he is ignoring mine!

I got up to make myself some green tea after dinner out with friends and slept on the couch in my hot shorts and tank top set Pjs. The next morning I awakened by Abdulrahman's room door as it did make me jump but I tried to seem not disturbed at all as he walked past the couch and out of the apartment with no breakfast.

I walked in his room and fixed everything and took out the laundry. It was hard with this phase of my pregnancy but I tried so hard to keep the day going!

I was literally playing nanny, his sisters would come check in on me every now and then or watch TV shows on Netflix with a side of popcorn and they would always ask where he was since he always came late every single day, he'd nap after work to avoid me and then wake up and go somewhere! Every SINGLE day.

My replies to cover our mess was; Dwaniya, shghl, 3rs rfeja... I was fed up

And just when everything began to kick in with our marriage something just had to go wrong...

As I started my 2nd Trimester I knew what the gender was and started to prepare for it, the baby's room was the one opposite Abdulrahman's room. I would leave after him and go out to buy stuff then lock them in the room and good thing I knew that all the keys for that room are with me and he didn't have any!

I kept it a secret from him, to my doctors my white lie was that their available appointments were during my husbands work hours! Even though I always book them last minute so I can only find morning slots available.

I tried so hard to enjoy this pregnancy by myself and he's not going to ruin my motherhood.

I was always out shopping for matching mommy and me stuff! Shoes, tops, jeans, jackets you name it! I got IT!

I was so excited I enjoyed doing the nursery and the mini cupboard, Abdulrahman had no idea whatsoever!

I'd go visit my brothers and he would never come to our weekly lunches with them!

One day

Nasser: haa wain el7abeeb

Me: mashghouuul 7adaa

Nasser: mnzmaan 3ana wallah!

Nawaf: eeee kalamta galy mashghoull

Me: 3ad be6oufa elmachbous elaatheeeth

My spoon was literally an INCH away from my mouth as we all heard the main door open and Abdulrahman coming in with his Dishdasha look with no Ghitra... my fav way a man could ever dress

Abdulrahman: alsaalaaam w 3alaiikom * he waved his arm*

We replied as he rushed to the washroom and back he was walking toward us
He came to where I sat kissed my forehead and as he did I held his biceps then he walked to his seat by Nawaf!

I got up immediately to set up his seat because he had no plate or place mat since I thought he would never come.

I went to get some and as I walked to the kitchen I started getting those ugly vomit signals so I power walked to the kitchen garbage! And quickly slid the stuff I had on the kitchen island!

All I cared about was aiming that ugly vomit in that Bin!

The plate slid off the table and crashed with the cutlery causing loud clatters on our kitchen floor and in between all that Helen's scream "DAAAANIII WHAT HAPPEN"

While I was busy crying my heart out because I hated vomiting I didn't notice that the kitchen was packed with my whole family watching over me with sorrow and Noufa holding my hair on one side and Helen keeping me balanced on my other.

Noufa: 7abeeebty ma3alaih ma3alaihh.... Nasser 6l3aw shway o nyee

Nasser took Abdulrahman out of there I guess Noufa madr it clear she didn't want him to see me like this!

Nawaf stayed and poured a cup of cold water with ice

Nawaf: mayy barid esarse7 methl ma t7been * flashing me with his pity smile *

I half smiled with Noufa wiping my tears and Helen petting my head

Me: Nawaf Abdulrahman ma kala wadla 97an

Nawaf: tamreeen entay bas 9eray a7san

He got up to get Abdulrahman a plate so he could have lunch at least! I knew he was hungry.

Noufa: goumau 7ayaty foug badlay o ghaslay o ray7ay hal fatra lazm kela terta7ain la tjhedeen 3umrich

We walked out of the kitchen Noufa and I and up to my room and I felt someones stares as we waited for the elevator and as we walked in it and turned around he quickly looked away.

I changed into my old comfy Juicy sweatpants and a white Zara tank top and picked up my throw and sat on my sofa in my room and switched on the Tv.

Noufa: etha tabeen shay dgaay Danii ana bag3ad ajabelhom ta7at

Me: 7ayaty entay khal yakl rayly

Noufa: eee el7in ashofa

She left and seconds after he came in.

I looked down and fiddled with my arms as he walked to the bed and just sat there.

I've always feared awkward silence, however Helen saved me this time she called my cellphone!

Me: yes Helen... mmmm ... okay bring it up... its okay you can light bukhour after!

I hang up after Helen's battle on how food is going up to rooms especially Machbous. It's an old Family rule. No food in the bedroom!

She came in and placed it on tea table in front of my Sofa

Me: Abdulrahman ghada?

Abdulrahman: mo mshtehy akl

Me: bas hatha yabta 7agk Noufa ana magdar

Abdulrahman: bss ana gtlich mo mshtehy akel

Me: braa7tik

I was so bothered at how he is talking back to me! I do not deserve this I really don't!

Abdulrahman: la taklen o thb7ay ely eba6nich tabeenha mn allah entay

WHAAT! I freakin' half a plate full of machbous!!!

I tried to swallow my tears and my shakey voice

His poisonous words stabbed me as I knew exacttly what he meant

He walked out and as he did I was back in my vomit hobby of the month and everyones footsteps up in my room except for the only person that should've seen this.

Everyone stayed with me thinking I knew why he left, Helen cleaned the mess and I slept that night at my parents house little did I know there was going to be zero sleep that day...


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