Heal Me 20

3eedkom mbarak ;/ too late? yeah i know

Im sorry ! I was really busy and thats what i came up with, i'll try writing another post soon (:

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Enjoy (:

He came to where I was sitting, patted on back, and rubbed my back up and down. I kind of realized that he meant c’mon let’s go. I got up trying to drag my feet and trying to keep myself balanced. I felt like I just left my soul behind and going off without it. Seeing your own brother on that bed with white sheets over his body is not that easy. When I say sheets I don't mean when he’s a sleep and you actually now that he’s going to wake up soon… no what I mean is seeing him like this and knowing that he’s gone, he’s not just taking a nap! NO he is actually gone forever well till the Day of Judgment in our case.

Dhari was walking fast and now he’s about a meter away maybe, I could see it in his eyes that this isn’t his first time to see someone like this. He was trying as fast as he could to run away and he thought that I don't understand stuff like this but it hurt my heart to see him like this because in these past days he made a good impression on himself by being a fun person and messing around with me the other day in our living room.

After long thoughts we finally crossed the streets and got to the car that’s where my eyes started to water and tears started flowing down my cheeks like a river I needed something to lay against because at that moment I was falling apart, I laid my back against another car and slowly going down and down till I was now sitting on street pavement between two cars hugging my knees real tight and crying.

Memories started shooting through my mind, my first day in Kuwait, the night we watched movies, when we broke the glass in the kitchen the other day and lots more, who am I going to share all this with? Who’s going to make me laugh? Who will be the one that tickles me till I scream, “baas tara abooool” then let go? Who will do all this? Basically WHO’S GOING TO REPLACE THAT HUMAN BEING?

Suddenly I felt someone shaking me back to reality, and then I realized it was Dhari….

Dhari was inches away he shook my shoulders slowly with both hands, I didn’t react then he held my head with both his hands tilted it backwards and with his thumb he rubbed them away each thumb taking care of an eye. I looked into his eyes while trying to catch a breath. We blankly looked at each other. Suddenly my body shivers I was too cold the breeze was going through my tummy and back, Dhari felt my body shivered he then let go of my hand and pulled out the sleeves of his A&F jacket off and placed it on my shoulders and pulled the hood of the jacket to cover my hair and keep me warm.

He stood up pulled me up gently from my arms and lead me to the back seat of his car, he opened the door helped me in and got in after me… I sat in the middle and he was on my right he turned to face the right side of my head…

Dhari: sara 6al3eeeny sit chethy…

I sat as I was told by his help and moved my knees to face him…

Dhari: you know that Hamad mayaby eshofich like this from above right?

I nodded

Dhari: so? We are both going to pray for him ina allah yaghferla o yaskina fasee7 janaaatah o ethabta 3end el so2al ok sara? Hamad hatha ely yabeeh mnich la2ana hatha el shay el wa7eed ely negdar ensawy 3ashan nsa3dah 9a7?

I nodded I felt like a lost kid with an uncle or relative explaining the situation

Dhari: bacher bnrid lekuwait ma3a Hamad’s body, 7maid mara7 e7eb ena yendefen hnee everyone wants their homeland and el ahal lazm eshofon o lazm en9aly 3al mayet bl magbara…

Me: I don't want to go back

Dhari: Hamad will not like that o b3dain lazm etkoneen yam omch l2nha m7tajtch!

I looked at him blankly not knowing what to say because in my opinion he knew better and we both don't want to discuss this issue anymore.

Dhari: Fahad booked and talked to your professors and they said its fine with them, we’ll be back in 5 days

And all I did was nod just like that I didn’t know what to say or do.

We went to Dhari’s apartment he packed his stuff while I sat in his living room TV was turned on but I wasn’t watching. Instead inseda7t on the 8anafa and the next thing I knew Dhari was really close that I felt his warm breathe against my face and then he moved my long hair strands that hid my face with hands, he woke me up and lead me to the car.

We got down and he lead my to my room and sat me on the bed. He got the suitcase, after wondering around the apartment and opening every room we had. Then brought it and placed it on the floor by my feet and started showing me which clothes I wanted to take. I didn’t care about the clothes I was taking with me. Whenever he showed me something I would just nod.

I got up I went to the bathroom brought 7 from each of my underwear, I went back to my room to see Dhari staring at me with a smile forming in his eyes and when I was about to kneel down and find a right place for them he took them kissed my forehead and placed them in my suitcase.

I laid on my bed while he was organizing the clothes in their place.

The next day I was awakened by Dhari he said I should get ready for the airport and that the plane is departing in 3 hours, I was 3 am at that time. I wore my grey track pants and navy blue jacket with an I love NY white shirt, its was hung on my closet door ….in other words it was Dhari’s choice and not mine. I felt so embarrassed these days since Dhari was actually doing everything I should be doing for us both but I guessed that he has passed by some similar incident before this one and new how it felt.

We changed Dhari took the luggage to the car and came back up to get me, he prepared water and some junk for the way and tried convincing me in getting food from McDonald’s but instead I shook my head. He sighed and continued driving .

We met Fahad at the airport and some other guys too. Dhari and Fahad took turns in staying by my side if Fahad left Dhari would stay if Dhari left Fahad stayed. I felt so shy since it was my first time to be close to guys and ones that I never had as friends, I looked up at them as my brother’s best friends not less but maybe more and didn’t show that I adored or loved one. Minutes later I caught sight of Alanoud who came rushing towards me and gave me a tight hug she looked at me and knew that I wasn’t OK!

Alanoud: I’m sure your brother is taken care of in god’s good hands, I’m here (she cupped my face and held it in her hands)

I looked at her then senselessly tears streamed without noticing, and Alanoud’s image in my eyes started to blur

She gave me a side hug and we started walking over to a bench. We sat there for what seemed like hours then the guys all came over to us, they were all very respectful 3azoony then Fahad said we should get going. Dhari and some other guy checked our luggage in then they lead us all to the gates and into the plane.

Fahad pointed on the first two rows we booked in first class. Dhari came over to me but I didn’t look his way even though I knew he was coming to me.

Dhari: window seat? (he lead Alanoud and I)

He said something to Alanoud but I didn’t bother to focus and listen.

The plane took off all I did was look through the window and imagining where Hamad would go? Right above somewhere I cant see right?

Little did I know, I fell right asleep Alanoud would shake me to wake up and eat but I’d just pretend I was tired and asleep, after many trials I fell asleep again and woke up to see Fahad?

Fahad: 9ba7 el 5air…nemtay wayed

Me: ta3bana

Fahad: mayy? (he handed me a cup)

Me: no thanks shearbt gabl ma anam (big lie) bs excuse me I’m gonna go find a toilet

I got up walked to the toilet did my business brushed my teeth and went back to join Fahad. When I got back Alanoud was sitting where Fahad was sitting a while ago.

Alanoud: Heyy

Me: Hi

Alanoud: how was your sleep?

Me: oh I don't know it was fine I guess

When we landed in Kuwait airport Fahad and one of their friends left the airport from another exit, Dhari, Alanoud and I left from the normal exit. My eyes started searching for any familiar faces but unfortunately I couldn’t my eyes started to blur. I wiped my tears and looked again then I caught sight of Aziz and Noura. I started walking towards them, when I was really close I hugged Aziz tight and started to cry and there I couldn’t handle holding back my tears. He’s the only sibling I have left and he knows I’m closer to Hamad then I am to him. I, myself was surprised so I wont blame him for being surprised after receiving this hug. Then came my sister in-law who I loved and adored she hugged real tight and whispered “3atham allah ajrich 7abeebty”, I tried to search and look for more familiar faces but I couldn’t find any and my mom was nowhere to be seen.

Aziz thanked Dhari they arranged stuff and updated each other in a matter of minutes. The next thing I knew we were outside the airport waiting for the driver.

We headed back home the driver and Aziz in the passenger seat, Noura sat beside me with on hand on my shoulder. All I thought about was how is my mom going to accept the fact that her son past away and the last time she saw him was months ago.

It seemed like hours in the car even though our house wasn’t that far away from the airport, the body was sent to somewhere to be placed in a refrigerator to be buried tomorrow afternoon.

We finally got home I was too scared to face my mom. I stood back Aziz placed his hand behind my back and wanted to let me lead the way but he noticed how scared I was he said “Sara omy wa9elaha el 5abar.” I looked down took a step forward and I was welcomed with a hug and tears. My mom was crying her heart out, we then went and sat on the sofa. My aunties came, mort 3amy, and her kids basically relatives.

F&F, Faris and Feda, were all grown up. The nannies were carrying them. They looked at me having no idea why everybody was crying. I motioned the nannies and told them to bring both Faris and Feda to my lap . I hugged them and cried silently.

Baby Feda: mamaaa nouwaa (she cried for her mommy who came to pick her up)

Faris stayed for a long time in my lap, I noticed he didn’t know how to speak and didn’t talk yet, while Feda knew some words. I always hear people say that girls fe6eneeen and boy aren’t but im not sure yet though.

This whole week in Kuwait was depressing it should be I guess. I saw lots of unfamiliar faces. Days passed by so quickly that I woke up one morning and headed to the airport this time with everyone coming to say goodbye including the twins.

As me and the gang that came along were heading towards the departure’s entrance I took one last glance, and waved to my family. I kept going straight ahead then I heard …

….: salaaa baay

whaaaaaatt ! who just said that!

I turned so quickly and my eyes landed on Fares, everyone’s eyes were on him! I ran to him picked him up so quickly and hugged him real tight. He tried moving to see my face I loosened on him and saw that huge smile plastered on his face.

Me: I love you fares

Baby Fares: heheheh

I put him back down and while I was still down Feda ran and gave me a hug too, she went and held her mom’s hand and waved goodbye

Baby Feda: byee aaaatyyy (u guessed right aunty!)

Me: bye baby

I stood up, everyone said I should hurry so I walked faster trying to catch up with the gang. I was so shy since Alanoud just stayed in Kuwait for 3 days and headed back for her midterms. That makes me the only girl with a group of guys, they were nice my mom met them all. I think they’ll make good friends with my mom since she adores humorous guys like my bro.

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